I wish....

Paul had a very good sermon today. What really struck me was the part about making excuses for why we don't do things. If there is one thing I am good at it is the pity parties. I had a very good friend once tell me to only allow myself a 10 minute "party" and then move on. So here is my 10 minute "party"

I wish that I could just pick up and go anytime I feel like it.

I wish that it wouldn't be so much work to go anywhere all the time.

I wish that I didn't have to change the diapers on my 8 year old.

I wish my back didn't hurt.

I wish I could tell Andrew to "just go play".

I wish I didn't have to hook up a feeding tube to feed my child.

I wish I didn't have to change the sheets on his bed every day because they get soaked with drool.

I wish when he cried I knew why he was crying.

I wish Andrew could say "I love you"

I wish I understood Andrew's cognitive abilities and whether he understands that Jesus loves him.

I wish I could make a commitment to do something without worrying about respite cancelling or Andrew being fussy (aka. screaming).

Ok, I think I'm done now. I always feel better after a good cry and this has been it.

Don't get me wrong, I love Andrew with all my heart. He could have just as easily died at 3 weeks when they told us he would. That's my miracle,

That Andrew didn't die when the dr's told us that his brain would shut down and he'd just stop breathing.

That he developed a suck and was able to nurse for 10 months after the dr's said he would never suck. That my milk came back in 4 days when I had given up and stopped pumping after 2 weeks.

That Dana Johnson came into our lives and introduced us to Grace.

That Andrew smiles, laughs and knows his mom. And he's smart too.

That Andrew can see and hear very well.

That Andrew is relatively healthy and we've avoided a stay in the hospital for 18 months.

That I have Andrew to hold when some mom's have lost their "babies".

That Andrew has a brother who loves him very much and takes such good care of him.

Thanks Travis for the music as I type this.